Chinese food conspiracy

I had Chinese food today. Not once, but twice.

At work there’s a Chinese food place nearby that has these lunch specials for about five bucks. The first time I had one, I almost passed out. They had packed enough food into this Styrofoam container to feed a small village.

Thats when I realized that this place was part of the Chinese conspiracy. With all the other bad Chinese products floating around the world, why not use Chinese restaurants in their Communist fight? You see, they want to make us eat a ton of their Fried Rice and Fried Wontons and whatnots, so that when they finally attack us, we’ll be too fat and doped up on MSG to fight back.

Now, I’m trying to watch what I eat, so when my co-worker said we should order Chinese, i said, “No Way!” But somehow, with his Southern charm, he convinces me to do Chinese. So i got the Shrimp in Lobster Sauce combo with Chicken Fried Rice. And as always, it was a bad choice.

So I thought, when I get home I’ll eat something light for dinner. Maybe cereal, or fruits, or whatever. But first, I had to fix my cousins computer. They had the usual, viruses, spyware, etc. Took about two hours to get all that and fix the problems of an unsuccessful double antivirus installation and other mishaps of a poorly maintained computer.

Finally I finished and my aunt had food for me. What was it? Chicken Fried Rice. She said she had bought something else as well. She didn’t know what it was, just something with vegetables and things. She wanted to try something different. I opened it up for her, and there it was Shrimp (and Vegetables) in Lobster Sauce.

I know it’s a conspiracy, and i know you don’t believe me. But have you seen how strong and fast those CHinese were at the Olympics?

Don’t worry, I’ll fogive your lack of trust in my theories when some bionic Chinese soldier is running you down like a fat kid on the playground.

tree ahead

When I was in twelfth grade I hit a tree.

I may have shared this story before in various places already.

I hit this tree going at least a minimum of 20 MPH on a mountain bike.

I hit the tree so hard the front tire was bent out of shape and unrideable. I had to walk it up and out of the woods.

I had a helmet on, but that only protected my head.

At the point of impact, as i unwrapped myself from the tree, i just remember my entire left side feeling numb.

I could still move, but the wind was knocked out of me.

I struggled to catch my breath

I couldn’t focus

nothing else mattered

my arm and leg were moving, but i didn’t really feel anything.

Nothing in my fingers or toes,

or my heart.


just stepped back and thought, what just happened.

then the pain began.

not painful and unbearable.

but a soreness, an emptiness that lingered just enough for me to know something was off.

something big just happened.

i think i hit the tree again

or at least about to.